A Car wreck

Have you ever seen Meet the Parents?

Ben Stiller, Robert DeNiro?

It's one of those movies that i just can't bare to watch. I hate movies where all the humour revolves around characters putting themselves in situations where they are humiliated or injured. It's a whole genre of movie. There are dozens and dozens of movies like this.

I can't watch them. I can't bare to watch people get embarrassed or humiliated. I don't like being embarrassed or humiliated and i don't like watching others get embarrassed or humiliated.

The worst part of these movies is that 90% of the humiliation and embarrassment comes at their own fault. They don't see it coming. They willfully put themselves into situation where there is really only one end possible. and they don't see it coming.

I get stressed out watching these movies.

I imagine i've gotten myself into situations where there's a world of hurt coming and didn't see it.

And i've seen people walk right into those kinds of situations as well.

It reminds me of those horror movies where the ditzy blonde stumbles on a room in a backwoods cabin where her other two friends have mysteriously disappeared and she decides that she had better investigate why the window in the back bedroom is suddenly open. It's funny when people in the theatre all want to shout "He's right behind you" but don't and so she gets her head lopped off. (for the record, she probably would have gotten her head lopped off if we had have yelled look behind you too... i'm just sayin'")


I get stressed out watching people walk into those kinds of rooms, shout out in disgust at the person who left the window open, self righteously close the window, drop their drawers and proceed to practice their Arnold impersonation in front of the mirror in their tighty whiteys right up until the moment they get their head lopped off. I mean. If they weren't so busy admiring their pecs they might have noticed the guy in the hockey mask coming up behind them. I'm just saying.

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Read this today.

Gracious God,
our sins are too heavy to carry,
too real to hide,
and too deep to undo.

Forgive what our lips tremble to name,
what our hearts can no longer bear,
and what has become for us a consuming fire of judgement.

Set us free from a past that we cannot change;

open to us a future in which we can be changed;

and grant us grace to grow
more and more in your likeness and image,

through Jesus Christ,
the light of the world. Amen

A first

Esther: When can i have a ceremony

Me: When you become Prime Minister

Shiloh: I didn't think Girls could be Prime Minister

Me: Well it is rare now, but it will be far more normal by the time Esther is Prime Minister.

Me: Hey Buddy that's what's so special about the ceremony today. This is the first time there has ever been a Black president of the United States.

Shiloh: Cool.

Me: You bet it is buddy!

Shiloh: I guess that's why they're having such a big party.

Me: You bet it is Buddy!

pushing my buttons

i'm not sure how to blog on this today but i want to. I'm experiencing giving fatigue today. I'm tired of serving people today.

This obviously has me quite conflicted considering that's what discipleship 101 is all about. It's not that i don't see how Christ has given himself for me. i do. I'm just feeling like there is a pattern emerging in my life. Simply put its that i am somehow responsible to serve everyone around me... and that's it.

Monday evening Shiloh got sick again, so we decided to let everyone sleep in on tuesday. At our house that means 8 o clock. so we got Abi up and ready for school. while she was getting ready i went outside to dig out the cars.

Now my 1976 snow blower had recently come back from the shop but it was buried behind the vehicles. So i started shoveling the end of the drive so i wouldn't get stuck pulling the cars out. My plan was then to take the snow blower and if it worked (it hasn't been all that faithful) and clear the driveway.

Abi was already late for school and i had an appointment at 10. so while i cleared the end of the drive i made meaningless conversation with my neighbour's sister who was clearing their driveway too.

I got the cars out and Abi still wasn't outside so i started the snow blower. It started! i took it for a pass. the snow must have been heavy (or my snow blower sucks) cause it would only throw the snow about 2 feet beside the blower.

It became clear to me that i wasn't going to get the driveway done before i had to get Abi to school and get to my appointment.

So i got abi put her into the van which was now parked on the street, pulled up beside my neighbour who was still shoveling.

i explained that i had an appointment at 10 but that after that i was coming back to finish my driveway, and that if she didn't have anywhere to go she could leave the rest of her driveway and i would finish it when i finished mine...

she said, "I'll do it myself... It's a little late"

i know there is a much larger story behind the look on her face, and her words and very little of it if any at all has anything to do with me at all but that doesn't mean it didn't sting.

truth is i have been seeing that attitude a lot lately. It's the attitude that says, "you exist to serve me and you're not doing a very good job doing it lately".

There's something about entitlement that ruins benevolence.

the worst part of all this is that the more i think about it the more it brings to the surface my own feelings of entitlement.

and i'm not sure i'm comfortable with the idea that if you don't expect anything from people they won't disappoint you.

it's tricky stuff.

I see all of these kinds of things eroding my faith. Not capital F faith. just lower case f faith. I know whom i have believed, but all this stuff has me wrestling with motives lately. It says everything that does not come from faith is sin.

but i serve people out of expectation all the time. but i tell you. some days i want do what i want to do and not do what i don't want to do.

i can see that's a dangerous road.

i guess what all this means is that i'm still too influenced by the expectations of people.

so that's why i'm journalling here today. trying to quiet the voices that pull at my life till there is only one.

something pleasing to hold onto

1 Tim 2

1I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone 2| for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3| This is good, and pleases God our Savior.